hows everyone doing , havent been on here in awhile how are you?:)

its funny how life , could give you lemons so you can make lemonade , but then it takes them away before you could even get the jucier ....srry that was just a random thought ....
-  make love not war<3

hey guys , havent been on in awhile.....sorry , just been a lityle busy , but ill give u a short preview on whats been going on ... my family are alot happier with each other , my parents just got back from vacation, we stayed over my cousins house(we all needed a little break lol. ,im ive been taking my purity classes every  week, once a week...my asian(my crush) and iI had a reeaalllyy small convo. (nothing changed since the last time ) iI like him, idk if he likes me blahblahblah... yep. same old same old. im getting closer to god <3 ,schools becoming easier now since ive been doing tutoring :) lol but yep for now on il start blogging more !
-make love not war ! love u guys<3

well, didnt go to school today ...sick :-/ which means iI didnt get to see my asian today ....< yep the guy im crushing on is asian lol and a year older then me .... idc. still hot and iI kinda think he likes me too <3 my friend is gonna find out for me and let me know .... anyway hows everyone doing on this LOVELY night ..?(:

well , this whole not talking to anyone that much is actually working... didnt think iI could do it ...lol but all this quiteness helped me figure out why its so hard for me to love,trust,or even really like a boy to much ...iI believe its because iI need closer from my last bestfriend/boyfriend/person..., we was friends ever since iI moved in the house iI live in now (4years)
iI used to tell him everything ....and we used to talk for hours about absolutly nothing ! and we eventually fell for each other ...it was bound to happen even my parent knew it ..but yea so we fell for each other , we kept just being friends ....then eventually he would start to say iI love you at that time iI was only 13 & he was 14 , we really didnt know what love was ....iI still dont but anyway after he would say that iI wouldnt say anything back and eventually he just stopped talking to me....</3 its been almost a year since we even had a convo and all iI need right now is ......to talk to him and get closer.

okay,so got my progress report today......yep. iI thought it was good.....3 C's and the rest A's but the C's came from low test scores ...! still got in trouble a little bit...kinda ...iI hate trying just to make my parents happy , and to be successful and your parents dont realize how hard your actually trying to make them happy..... and be successful ,but iI wont stop trying to prove to them how bad iI want this and how bad iI need them to be proud of me ! ugh...anywho....how was everyones day !?:)

haveny blogged last weekend lots going on , im sick , parents been arguing , thinking about my future, chores,school, modeling/acting stuff going on ahhhh give me a break lol , the this weekend im gonna have to take photo's at my dads 33rd birthday party which im totally stoked for iI just ....idk need someone to talk to .... perferably someone who cares...<3

idk whats going on , the night was going so good , now everything thing is all jumbled up in my head , my heart feels like its in the bottomless pits of my stomach....could it be that im up at1:33a.m. , could it be that iI need water,  could it be that im thinkin to much about the future or could it be that the two people that iI love are going at it again , no. I know what it is its all of that and some, going through my mind at once I seriously feel that iI hva, too much stress on me as a teen and that iI need someone to talk to about it ....but who ,my "friends" listen for like the first 10sec and just be like "aw... omg iI have to tell you something about this guy " ...& iI could go to my parents but well, iI dont want to stress them out and make them think im one of those seriously depressed kids............wait am I ?! have iI become just that !? idk this is what staying up does for me ...gets my mind going...sorry for all the typo's ....
-make love not war night <3

why do we love if all it is , is a battlefeild. 

and why cant there just be peace  or would there be a "peace" with out war..? 

it feels way better when a gay guy calls you beautiful , then when a straight guy calls you beautifull <3

well , the banquett wasnt that bad ,boring but not that bad....turns out everyone was nice to me  and found out that im  gonna wait till im  married to have .... ya know SEX , its going  to be tough but  waiting seems like the best option right now ...all these teens getting prego ! and all these STD's and junk....anyhow ,  iI can not wait till tuesday so iI can see sareth, the guy iI have the biggest crush on ...he's asian (; yes , asian!  idk if he like's me .. but iI think he does  because on the first day of school , we both walked together to find our p.e. class ...yep yep he's in my  gym class of all classes ..he  gets to see me get all sweaty and stinky ...unfortunatly ....but yeah so we were walking together and he was soo nice and stuff ! then like two weeks ago we were all playing vollyball , and no one would let me surve the ball , so then he cought the ball and came up to me and was like "do you want the ball " in my head iI was like screaming !! and soo excited ! but on the outside iI was smiling and was like "sure" (: all calm and collected, ugh iI just wanna tell him how iI feel ...lol im wayyy to shy to even say hi to him ..any advice ??:)

so instead of going to the flee market with the rest of my family and getting my hair done , iI have to go to this banquett  thingy wiyj my aunt peggy,...well she's more like a grandma ,  but iI wont get in to that ,my point is I dont want to go spend time with a bunch of church teens iI dont know that much and probably dont like me because of how iI talk , look, act, walk ....iI just want to spend time with my family ...wish me luck.
-make love not war. <3